Conversations

There are conversations that I wish I was not having.  Many of them are with Brooklyn.  Sometimes they are subtitle teaching and other times very straight forward but I hope I am helping her prepare in case Dennis does not beat this terrible cancer.  

I’ve answered the question recently, “Is Daddy going to die from what is in his head?”  Ok, I’m glad she trusts us enough to ask and not just worry but how do you tell a child who finally has a Daddy whom she loves and who loves her, that she may lose him?  We chose to be honest.  Our response was, “We don’t know and the doctors are doing everything they can to help him.”  We also promised her that if a time comes when they can’t help Daddy anymore, we will tell her.

Last night she was sleeping with me because Dennis is spending a few days with his family.  Brooklyn asked me, “Are we still a family even though Daddy is not here?”  I could have simply answered, “We are always a family, forever.”  But I chose to take the opportunity to teach her that death does not separate a family.  We talked about how my Daddy is in heaven but he is still my Daddy.  I reminded her that God was with Daddy where he was and with us at home.  She loved that and soon settled in and went to sleep.

We have stopped at the cemetery where my Dad and grandparents are buried and talked about what happens when someone dies.  I am so thankful that I can assure her that although their bodies are in the ground there, they are with Jesus and that someday we will all be together again.   

There are conversations with Dennis about “what if…”  I’m so glad we can talk openly about this but it is another conversation that I wish there was not a need to have.  

And then there are the conversations with my Heavenly Father that are filled with petitions for complete healing and restoration, peace as we walk through this journey, and grace to glorify Him during this difficult season.  

A friend of mine told me she has been praying Psalm 34 for us.  As I looked up this Psalm, my heart was knit with the psalmist’s heart.  Brooklyn and I have started memorizing this Psalm.  It is bringing me great peace and comfort. 

Psalm 34

¹I will bless the Lord at all times;
    his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
² My soul makes its boast in the Lord;
    let the humble hear and be glad.
³ Oh, magnify the Lord with me,
    and let us exalt his name together!

⁴ I sought the Lord, and he answered me
    and delivered me from all my fears.
⁵ Those who look to him are radiant,
    and their faces shall never be ashamed.
⁶ This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him
    and saved him out of all his troubles.
⁷ The angel of the Lord encamps
    around those who fear him, and delivers them.

⁸ Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
    Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
⁹ Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
    for those who fear him have no lack!
¹⁰ The young lions suffer want and hunger;
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

¹¹ Come, O children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
¹² What man is there who desires life
    and loves many days, that he may see good?
¹³ Keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from speaking deceit.
¹⁴ Turn away from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous
    and his ears toward their cry.
¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
¹⁷ When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
    and delivers them out of all their troubles.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
    and saves the crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
    but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
²⁰ He keeps all his bones;
    not one of them is broken.
²¹ Affliction will slay the wicked,
    and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
²² The Lord redeems the life of his servants;
    none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

If anything describes what is happening right now it is waiting.  Since we learned that the tumor is back in two places and started new medications, we are waiting.  We are waiting for the next MRI.  Dennis will have the MRI on August 20 and we will meet with the doctor on August 21 to discuss the results.  It is so hard not know if this medication is halting the growth of the tumors.  And so we wait.

Dennis has blood work each week to monitor the new medication. So far, it has been good.  We are thankful for that. 

Dennis has been feeling ok lately.  He is doing ok with the fatigue.  I think to a large degree, we are getting much better at managing it.  We are much better with planning and knowing what events will tire him out and when he will need a nap or a break.  

Thank you for your on-going prayers and support.  We know God is the source of our strength.

We recently had some family pictures taken.  Here are a few of our favorites.

Dennis' Doctor Visit Today

We met with Dennis' doctor today.  Some of the news was hard to hear so I'll get that over with first.  The tumor has returned at the original location and there is also a small tumor at another location.  That was especially difficult to process but it not unusual in this type of cancer.

So for the rest of the news:
There is a test drug that Dennis will start tomorrow.  He will also be back on the chemotherapy he had been on before.  This new drug (ABT-888) works by enhancing the effectiveness of the chemo.  This trial is about to close as it has the number of patients it needs for this phase II trial.  We are thankful it was still open.

If this drug does not work for Dennis, there are many other options that will be explored.  That was encouraging.

Dennis will have another MRI in eight weeks.  Please pray with us that there will be no growth in the tumors. That is the goal in brain cancer.  Tumors rarely shrink or go away as the brain does not easily remove dead tissue.

Our doctor had told us this drug has been showing some good results but he was not real specific on what that meant.  After we had met with the doctor and Dennis had some blood work done, we were waiting for an elevator to go down to have some lunch at the cafeteria.  We ran into the doctor who had done Dennis' radiation.  He remembered Dennis and commented on how great he looked.  We told him where we were at and he wondered what drug he would be starting.  He told us, "We have seen some very good results with that drug."  Wow, we felt like God placed him there just to encourage us about where we are heading.

We anticipate that Dennis should do well on these drugs as he handled the chemotherapy well last time.  The most possible side effect would be lowering of blood counts which could make bleeding more likely and/or he could be more likely to get infections.  They will do blood work every week to keep an eye on these possible side effects.

Please keep praying for Dennis as he starts this new drug.  We are discouraged by the regrowth but encouraged by what we were told today.  We are thanking God for the good doctors and hospital we have right here in Madison.

Regrowth on MRI

Dennis's MRI results were not what we had hoped for. It shows some regrowth. The doctor told Dennis that he will restart the chemo he was on and add another drug to it. Please keep praying. We believe God is able to fully heal and restore if that is His plan. As we talked with Brooklyn about this, we reminded her that God's ways are best even when they are not what we would desire. We firmly believe that. Thanks for your prayers. We will know much more after seeing the doctor tomorrow.

As I got ready this morning, this song was going through my head.  I had not thought of this song in a very long time but God knew I needed this message for what we would learn a few hours later.  

What though the way be lonely, and dark the shadows fall,

I know wher'er it leadeth, My Father planned it all.

I sing through the shade and the sunshine,

I'll trust Him whatever befall;

I sing for I cannot be silent, My Father planned it all.

There may be sunshine tomorrow, Shadows may break and flee,

Twill be the way He chooses, My Father's plan for me.

I sing through the shade and the sunshine,

I'll trust Him whatever befall;

I sing for I cannot be silent, My Father planned it all.

He guides my fal'tring footsteps, Along the weary way;

For well he knows the pathway, Will lead to endless day.

I sing through the shade and the sunshine,

I'll trust Him whatever befall;

I sing for I cannot be silent, My Father planned it all.

A day of light and gladness, On which no shade will fall;

Tis this at last awaits me , My Father planned it all….

I sing through the shade and the sunshine,

I'll trust Him whatever befall;

I sing for I cannot be silent, My Father planned it all."

Waiting for MRI Results

Leading up to MRI weeks in some ways is becoming routine.  We can actually have “normal” days and not be totally obsessed with the pending MRI but then the day arrives.  Today as I sit at work, I feel the dread, stress, grief…not sure any of those words actually capture the anticipation that accompanies waiting on the results of the MRI.  It just lingers in the back of my mind on  my heart as we wait. 

Even though I am convinced that we will hear that the MRI is clear again, it thrusts me back to the very first MRI that started this year long journey.  What if this MRI is another turning point in this battle?  And then I remember that even if it is, God will walk along that road with us too.  We have seen Him provide abundantly this past year in our lives and will continue to do so in the days ahead.  

I continue to pray for full restoration for Dennis not just that this monster never returns but restoration of his stamina, short-term memory and language skills.  Our God is able to do way more than medical science sees possible and even more than we can imagine.  In God’s grace, He may choose to fully restore Dennis or He may not, but what he chooses will be what is best for all of us.  We believe that with every fiber of our being. 

So, as you pray for us this week, pray for our sense of God’s presence during our wait on the MRI results as well as our peace regardless of what those results may be.  Mostly, pray with us that God will be glorified in and through our lives. 

MRI on Monday, June 24

Dennis has an MRI every eight weeks.  The weeks between MRIs go so quickly.  He will have his next MRI on Monday, June 24^th.  The doctor generally calls us the following morning with the results.  Dennis will see the doctor on Wednesday.  We hate the days leading up to an MRI week.  Each time one of these roles around it is harder than the one previous.  You’d think they would become routine but that is not the case.  Since the recurrence rate is so high – almost 100% - with this type of cancer, the further away we are from the surgery and diagnosis, the more we feel like the odds are stacked against us.  With that said, we find great comfort and peace in knowing the outcome is not dependent upon medicine but on the sovereign will of God.  Please keep us in your prayers as we approach the MRI and results next week. 

It Has Been a Year

Today is the one year mark from Dennis’ diagnosis.  I can’t believe how quickly time flies by.  In two weeks Dennis will have his next MRI.  Seems like only a few days ago we were waiting on the resultof the last one.  Dennis is doing great.  Last week we had a 50^th birthday party and one year cancer victory party for him.  We saw so many friends and heard from others in emails and cards.  Dennis was exhausted after it but had a great time.  Thank you to everyone who made this special celebration possible.  Here are a few pictures.

Monie and Brooklyn making punch.

We got the call that changed our lives on June 8^th and on June 11^th Dennis had the surgery that removed the tumor.  It is hard to believe it has been a year and yet at times, it seems like the longest year of our lives.  During that year we have seen God work in marvelous ways. We don’t know what this year will hold but we trust the future to God’s hands. 

Brooklyn is out of school.  The electric bike Dennis got is working well for them to get around.  The local bike shop was able to attach a kids Burley to it so Brooke rides in that.  The health club is about 1.5 miles from our house and they have been there for her swimming lessons.  This gives them some ability to get out and allows Dennis to use the bike in full electric mode if he gets tired.  Not the greatest form of transportation if it rains but it gives them many days when they can get out.

Brooklyn has been learning a lot since school got out.  She now can ride her bike without training wheels and is doing great with her swimming lessons.  She is also reading more and doing it because she wants too. 

Please continue to pray for Dennis.  His next MRI is June 24th and we have an appointment with the doctor on June 26^th.  Usually the doctor calls us the morning after the MRI with the results so we should get the report on June 25^th.

We will pass another major milestone in our family on June 28^th – our 10^th anniversary.  It is hard to believe it has been 10 years.