Settling In

We have been home a few days now and I think we are beginning to settle in some.  The various aides that have been here have been very good and have helped me come up with some easier ways to assist Dennis.  I'm thankful for their expertise.

Willow has been glad to have Dennis home too.  When we set up his bed and put his pillow on it, she kept going there and falling aseep.  Now that he is home, she spends lots of time snuggling with him.

In the last few weeks I have been talking and thinking a lot about all that we have enjoyed over the years God gave us to together.  We have been able to travel together during those years and enjoyed seeing so much of the U.S. and loved Nova Scotia.  Of course our highlight from traveling will always be China.

I would love to grow old with Dennis but it does not appear that is what God has in store for us.  Pleas pray for us as we walk through the days ahead.

Dennis is Home

Today was the day to go home.  After a month away either at the hospital or the rehab center, Dennis is finally home.  He is home with the aid of hospice care services.  In the next few days we will be meeting with his nurse and aides.  The nurse will come at least once a week to check on him and aides will be here every morning and most evenings to help get him ready for the day and to help get him ready for bed.  There are two nights when I will not have an aide but they are working on getting someone for those nights as well.

The move itself went well.  We knew it would be tiring for Dennis, and it was, but he is glad to be home.  We are going to be adjusting how we do things as we go along but I'll have the experts from hospice to help with that.

Thank you so much for your contributions to Dennis' relief staff.  Words just cannot express our gratitude.  I have a call into a local nursing school to see if some of the student nurses would be interested in working for us.  If that does not work out, there are agencies through which you can hire staff that I will be contacting.  Just knowing we have the ability to ensure Dennis is taken care of and I can do things like attend Brooklyn's school events or go to church is huge.  Thank you.

Willow, our spaniel, has been laying on Dennis' pillow since I made his bed up.  As soon as Dennis was settled into bed, she jumped on the bed and cuddled with him.  I think she missed him.

Prayer Requests:

• Pray for Dennis to be comfortable with all the new people who will be assisting with his care.
• Pray we can find some good relief staff to help us as well.
• Pray my back does not give me problems from all the care I am providing.
• Pray for Brooklyn as she continues to process all that his happening around her.
• Pray for all of us that we will bring God glory through this stage of Dennis' illness.

Many of you may have heard of Brittany Maynard, a young women with the same diagnosis as Dennis, who chose to end her own life this week.  A friend of ours shared our story in a radio spot as a contrast to the choices Brittany made.  You can listen to it here.  http://wifamilycouncil.org/brittany-and-dennis-same-disease-different-story-2/

Hospice

The weeks Dennis has spent in rehab have not helped him gain back the use of his right side.  Today we made the decision to enroll in hospice and work on getting the supports we would need in place for Dennis to come home.  We will meet with the team at the rehab center and the hospice team to define what equipment and support staff I will need to be able to care for him at home.  Since Dennis cannot stand or even move himself in bed, it will take a lot of equipment and planning to make sure I can care for him.  The expertise of the hospice staff along with the recommendations from the rehab staff will help us get a plan in place.

Dennis and Brooklyn snuggling before we left for the evening.

The one area that hospice does not cover is providing relief staff so I can have time off.  This will need to be provided through privately paid staff or volunteers.  The link on the right of this page is to a fundraising site that will collect donations for that purpose.  Throughout this journey we have seen God provide in marvelous ways and we know He will continue to do so now as well.  I have had several people ask me to set up a donations site and have been reluctant to do so. But with the need for staff to assist me and believing I should listen to the counsel of those around me I set up a YouCaring site.  Thank you for any assistance you can give us.

Please pray for:

• The planning of the details needed to care for Dennis at home.
• The move - this will be very tiring for Dennis.
• The people God will bring into our lives during this part of the journey.
• Brooklyn as she processes through the changes with Dennis.
• Ellen as she becomes a 24/7 caregiver for Dennis.

Rehab Update

Dennis has been in rehab for a week.  It has been a full week with therapy dominating his time.  By the time the ladies are done with him he is exhausted.

Since the fall and seizure he has lost use of his right arm and leg.  We had hoped this would come back but at this point we are not seeing that happen.

We have a team meeting tomorrow to assess his progress and goals.  If he is benefitting from being here we will continue but if not we will be looking at how he can go home and have the supports he needs.   Most likely this would include hospice.

Keep praying for wisdom and peace as we travel this road.

Dennis at therapy.

Moving to Rehab

Dennis is doing well today.  He was up in the morning, snoozed through much of the late morning and early afternoon and up a bit tonight.  He is scheduled to move to Oakwood Rehab at 10:30 tomorrow morning.  Please keep him in your prayers as this will be a very tiring day for him.

Our goal is to get him home as soon as possible.  If we find that he is gaining strength at the rehab place he will stay there for awhile but if that is not the case, we will be looking at ways to get him home where he can be with us.  This may include accessing the services of hospice.

We can't say enough about the amazing staff on the B6 unit at the University of Wisconsin Hospital.  We were blessed with a team of nurses and support staff that went out of their way to ensure Dennis had the care he needed.  The social worker also was amazing in helping us get Dennis into the rehab center close to home.

We don't know what the days ahead hold.  Dennis' body is tired and it appears the last 28 months are catching up with him.  Please pray for us in the days ahead to know what decisions to make and for Dennis to regain strength if this is possible.  Dennis on the night we found out he had a brain tumor said to me, "God can be glorified in this too."  Please pray that is the case in the days ahead.  We desire to finish this journey well.

His address is:

5565 Tancho Dr, Madison, WI 53718

Lots of Changes

The last two weeks have been fulm of changes.  Dennis is on blood thinners for his blood clot and this caused some bleeding so he spent a night in the hospital last week.  Then on Sun day,  he got up to go to bed, fell and had a seizure.  We called the ambulance and he has been in the hospital since then.  The seizure has made his right side weaker and he is very dizzy.  He has had two CT scans and there is no bleeding on his brain.  The MRI they did showed that the tumor is not growing. So now we are working on helping him regain strength.  He can't walk or get up on his own so we are needing him to go to a rehabilita  center to work on getting him going again. We may know as early as today where he is going.

To make our lives even more complicated, I started having a backache yesterday and I'm in a lot of pain today with back spasms too.  Hopefully it will get better soon.

Please pray as we make decision over the next few days and also pray that Dennis gets stronger so he can come home.

27 Months

It has been 27 months since we learned of Dennis' cancer.  In those early days I would not even look at the internet to find out more about it.  I knew it was serious and terminal.  I couldn't cope with knowing the details.  Gradually I began to dig and learn more about it.  Average survival is 14 -16 months - I remember thinking if we would have one more Christmas, birthday, anniversary...

Today I look back at those 27 months and can look at it from two very different perspectives.  At times my heart screams to look at it through the losses these 27 months have taken from us while at others I choose to look at all the things we have gained.

The Losses

We entered this journey at a time when life was at its best.  We had just finished a year long journey to adopt our beautiful daughter Brooklyn and were just starting to settle into being a family of three.  We had good jobs that met our needs and our wants.  We were surrounded by good friends and were living the American dream.  We were able to travel and help others.

One of our early days as a family of three.

In the 27 months since Dennis has been diagnosed most of that life has disappeared.  Dennis has not worked since his diagnosis, I recently went on a leave of absence in order to care for Dennis.  Dennis can barely make it out to dinner without being exhausted so we don't travel.  In fact, I find it difficult to get out of the house at all as Dennis needs me here to take care of him.  Little by little over the last 27 months the person I love with all of my heart is disappearing.  

When I look at the picture above I wonder what happened to those people.  They seem so far away from where we are today.

The Gains

I must admit I have to remind myself to choose to look at the blessings of these past 27 months.  In the midst of this storm we live in day-to-day, the sunshine sometimes seems so far away.

But there is sunshine.  Over and over again we have seen God provide for us.  Whether that has been unexpected financial blessings or the labors of love from friends, we have been blessed.  

Brooklyn has been a spark of joy and life when everything else around us has plummeted.  I cannot imagine life without her.  In spite of all that is going on around her, she loves us deeply and has grown in her faith and love for the Lord.  

My faith has deepened as I have learned to depend on the Lord to meet the needs of our family.  To know that our security is not dependent on the planning I can do but in trusting in God to provide for tomorrow as He has today.  This is not always easy for me.  I want to plan and map it all out to make sure my world is safe and secure.  That is not where I can live anymore.  Frankly, some days it takes all of my faith to keep reminding myself that I am not in control nor should I want to be.

I have been meditating on Philippianss 4:11-13 - 

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

I am continuing to learn to be content whatever the circumstances may be.  Not because of anything in me but the key is in verse 13 - "I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

Where we are today - 

I miss the things we have lost.  Mostly I miss Dennis as he was then.  I miss his wisdom and leadership.  I miss the "security" in the life we had before.  My heart aches for the Brooklyn to have the daddy who adopted her.  For him to be here now to take her on dates or play with her and for her to have him to guide her through the years ahead.  I miss the security of good incomes and secure jobs.  BUT I know God has a plan in this and that gives me peace.  

Have you ever thought about Psalm 23 - I know many of you know it by memory but it struck me recently that David talks about being in the midst of the darkest valley and then goes on to say that goodness and mercy follow him.  Yes, I can assure you that even in this very dark valley, God's goodness and mercy is with us.  I do have to remind myself of that but He is there with me as I walk through this valley.  

Please remember to pray for us.  Dennis struggles with most everything you and I take for granted.  He needs help with bathing, dressing, getting up and down, walking, talking...it is hard for him.  Pray for me as I navigate taking care of Dennis and Brooklyn.  It is hard to be a mommy sometimes when Dennis has needs in so many areas.  Pray for Brooklyn.  She is in a new school this year and it is just one more layer of stress for her.  We know many of you pray for us on a regular basis.  Thank you.