Time is Precious

Has it really been eight months already since we learned of Dennis’ brain cancer?  There are times when it seems like our world turned upside down yesterday and others when it seems like it has been forever since life was “normal”.  I desperately want time to drag by right now.  The further out we are from the initial treatment, the more likely it is that this awful cancer is coming back and frankly, unless Dennis would have a major change in symptoms, there is no way to know if anything is happening except for an MRI which he has every eight weeks.  So, every time he is tired and has trouble finding a word or just finds it hard to think, it makes us stop and wonder if something is going on again.  I want to hold onto right now; to cherish every day.  And yet, the days, weeks and months speed by.  In a few days we will flip another page on our calendars and I can’t help but think, “Where did that precious month go? “  

We have learned to live in the new normal for the most part.  It does present its challenges.  Simple things like dropping a car off for a repair is not so simple when there is only one driver in the house.  Or, for Dennis, passing days when he is house bound, and this looms even larger as he finishes up treatments in a month.  Granted, two days a week heading to a hospital is not fun but at least he sees other people along the way.  For those of you who have been his drivers for these appointments, you are much more than a source of transportation.  You are encouragers and friends who have lightened our load in more ways than being a ride to an appointment.  We can’t begin to express our appreciation to you.  

And so, we are heading into another change in the weeks ahead.  Next week Dennis will have his last round of chemo and on February 28^th will complete the last cycle of the other medication he is on.  An MRI will done on March 4^th and we meet with the doctor on March 5^th for results and information on what happens after treatment.  We do know he will have MRIs every eight weeks to monitor him.  We are hoping and praying that once he is off of the medications that his MRI remains clear and that the side effects he has been living with go away.  From what we have learned the fatigue he is experiencing may or may not go away.  Only time will tell if this is permanent or not.  A lot of what happens in the months after treatment will be determined by this.  

To be honest, we have very mixed feelings about the end of treatment.  On the one hand, it will be so nice not to be having all of these drugs and the fatigue it causes be part of our lives. But on the other hand, there is a sense of security that every week there are chemical warriors attacking any cancer cells that may be remaining.  In addition, there is the unknown of what will remain of the struggles Dennis faces from the surgery and treatment.  We really will not know that until he has been off of the medication for a while.  

Please keep us in your prayers as we move forward into yet another new normal.

Prayer Requests:

• That the five remaining weeks of treatment will totally eliminate any remaining cancer cells.
• That the MRI on March 4^th will be clear.
• That all side effects will disappear after Dennis is off of the drugs.
• That we will have peace when faced with the various unknowns on a day-to-day basis as well as the long-term.
• That the doctor will clear Dennis to drive again.
• That we will continue to see God’s hand in all of this and that he will use us in the lives of those we come in contact with. 

Dennis' Update

It has been a crazy week at our house.  Tuesday afternoon Dennis had the MRI and Wednesday we got the great news that it is still clear.  The days leading up to MRIs are especially difficult.  They pervade our thoughts and disturb our “healthy denial” that we live in.  They make us face again the reality of Dennis’ diagnosis.  I will say that I have never been this calm leading up to one of these as I was this time.  Thank you for all of the prayers for our peace during this time.  In addition to learning that Dennis’ MRI was clear again, the study coordinator also told us that the five people they have on the trial drug are all doing well.  We see this as a positive note in the midst of so much negative information on GBM tumors.  Dennis said this week, “I have to stay off of the internet.”  What you find on the internet in regards to GBM tumors is pretty bleak.  It can easily cloud our hope and thinking.  We were encouraged this week by the good news and continue to trust our heavenly Father as we continue down this path.  On a couple of occasions this week I have said, “God’s grace is with us right now and will be with us down the road when we need it there.”  

Dennis started the fifth round of chemo on Wednesday.  He will finish it on Sunday.  His last round will be in February with the trial drug also ending at the end of February.  He will have an MRI in early March and then every eight weeks for a while.  

If you haven’t seen Dennis in a while, you would be surprised at how good he looks.  Everyone comments on this.  He still struggles a lot with fatigue.  He will feel good and a few hours later be totally exhausted.  We suspect this is related to the medications but won’t know that for sure until he is off of them for a while.  

In addition to Dennis’ health issues, my Mom has been having some as well.  She was diagnosed with influenza a few weeks ago; in spite of the fact she had the flu shot.  Then on Thursday morning she had a heart incident.  She had every symptom of a heart attack but it was arterial fibrillation. (a very rapid heart rate)  She got an ambulance ride and some time in the ER.  Thankfully it resolved itself and she was able to go home later in the day.  Life is defiantly not boring around here.  

Prayer Requests:

Keep praying for full healing and no regrowth of the tumor.
Pray for Dennis to have increased stamina and less fatigue.
Peace on the difficult days – we both struggle from time to time with all of this.

Good News

Dennis' MRI was clear again. He will have the next one the first weeknof March. We are thrilled about this.  Keep praying.

MRI Week

Tuesday Dennis has an MRI.  He has an appointment with the doctor the next day.  Eight weeks ago when he had an MRI, the doctor called him later in the day on Tuesday to tell him the MRI looked good.  We don't know if we will get a call on Tuesday this time or have to wait until the appointment on Wednesday.  Please pray that the MRI is still clear and for our peace as we wait to hear.

Year End Reflections

Dec. 31, 2012

So, today ends another year.  It is a year I will look back on with very mixed emotions.  There are definitely two halves to this year with the dividing line being 5:30 pm on June 8^th. 

2012 began with the anticipation of Brooke’s arrival.  We had completed most of the paperwork and were hoping to get a travel approval before the Chinese government shut down for Chinese New Year but we missed it by just a few days.  Every day counts in this long drawn out process and some count more than others.  Thankfully we can trust the loving hand of our heavenly ather to have details worked out that are never too early and never too late.  Our travel approval arrived and we were able to plan our trip to finally bring Brooke home.  Wow, it seems like yesterday and at the same time, it seems like a lifetime ago.  We boarded a plane for China on February 29^th.  After a brief stop in Beijing, we finally arrived in Shanghai.  In a room at an orphanage, Brooke walked into our lives.  Although we planned for her arrival, we could never have imagined what an incredible gift from God she would be in our lives. 

We were as ready for her arrival as any new parents can be.  We had completed several days of intense training on the needs of older adopted children, we had read books, we had talked with other parents… All of these resources were great, but frankly, Brooke is one of those rare exceptions to older child adoption.  She bonded with us quickly, adapted to her new life in our family and in general has made this whole process seem incredibly simple.   

Those first couple of months flew by.  Brooke learned English rapidly, loved her school, loved our dogs, made friends both at church and school…life as a family of three was just starting to settle into a new normal until -----

June 8^th at about 5:30pm

I had just gotten home from work and the phone rang.  It was our family doctor.  Almost immediately my heart broke.  The MRI Dennis had earlier in the day showed a mass in his brain.  Every speck of normal was shattered.  We were being told to head to the ER of a large hospital in our area.  They would be expecting us.  Pack a bag and head there as soon as possible.  I remember calling a friend to see if we could drop Brooke off for the night.  I had to tell her three times that Dennis had something in his brain before she could grasp what I was saying.  I think we all felt that way.  I’m still thankful for these wonderful friends who helped us through that night and helped Brooke be ok too.  Since you all know the “rest of the story”, we were plunged into the world of cancer that night.  Brain surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and trial drug programs became our new normal.  We went from the joy of a new child to the fear, stress, anxiety of a very serious health situation with one phone call.

Our “normal” had shifted and will never be the same again.  We no longer take time for granted.  Each and every day is precious.  We don’t put off for tomorrow anything that we can possibly do today.  We cherish the big and small things that make life precious.  We grab a camera to record a moment far more frequently.  We live far more conscious of just how quickly life can change. 

We have grown this year.  Not just from a family of two to a family of three, but in far more important ways.  I’ve seen Dennis grow as his intense desire he had before his illness to live out his faith in day-to-day, has taken deeper meaning and focus.  God has been teaching me to wait on Him and trust Him.  We have seen God at work in our lives through the hands of those around us who have helped us in too many ways to even count. We have watched Brooke gasp that Jesus loves her and has always been watching over her even before she ever heard His name.  Overall, we can say, “God is faithful.”  He is faithful in the joyful and good times and He is faithful in the hard times. 

2012 was not what we expected.  Our plans would have looked much different but even though it has at times been extremely painful it has been good.  What is ahead for us in 2013 is yet to be seen but we know we can trust in the One who knows the future.    

Blizzards, Christmas and Updates

Last Thursday when Dennis was supposed to go in for his treatment at the hospital, we were in the midst of a major blizzard.  At one point I considered driving him in since I was home from work but then thought it was not the best idea.  Instead, one of our friends accepted the challenge to give it try and he and Dennis headed to the hospital.  They made it there and back safely.

Christmas was good. We enjoyed celebrating Brooke's first Christmas. Dennis was able to enjoy time with both of our families as well as our own family Christmas.  It was two busy days but with a nap here and there, he was able to participate at both family celebrations on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  

Snuggling with Brooke in her new play wedding dress.

Dennis will have an MRI in two weeks.  He has no symptoms to suspect that there is tumor regrowth but the only way you know for sure is when they do an MRI.  Keep this in your prayers and that we will not be too stressed by the anticipation of this test.  When he was in for one of his treatments recently, he was told that the other people on the drug trial he is doing are all doing well.  This means a lot to us coming from someone who sees people with this type of cancer on a routine basis.  

As we close out 2012, we want to say thank you for all of the ways you have reached out to us this year.  We think of you often and marvel at the gift of love and friendship you are in our lives.  Thank you.

"What If" Can Cloud "What Is"

I’ve been thinking a lot about how the last six months of our lives have changed the way I think.  Once someone you love is diagnosed with cancer, the way you think about just about everything changes.  It becomes scary to just think about the future.  How do you plan when you no longer know if six months or a year from now, every aspect of your life may need to change?  You begin to live much more in the immediate moment.  I find myself grabbing a camera far more frequently.  At the same time, you cannot allow the “what if” to cloud the “what is”.  

I’m reminded of the Psalm 118:24 –“This is the day the Lord has made.   Let us rejoice and be happy today!”  And so I am learning to live and be happy in today.  Counting the many blessings along the way and endeavoring to trust God with the future. 

Instead of focusing on the “what if”, here are a few of the “what is” that help me to rejoice and be happy today.

• Dennis continues to tolerate the treatments he is receiving.
• As of his last MRI, there has been no regrowth of the tumor.
• We are looking forward to a first Christmas as a family of three.
• God has blessed us with friends who support and help us in so many ways.
•  Brooke is a gift from God that we could never have even imagined.
• We have a great medical team meeting Dennis’ needs and good health insurance too.

·         God has been with us each step of this journey and will continue to be moving forward.

It is so easy to focus on “what if” but God never told us to do that.  He does tell us to trust Him now.  He has promised to be faithful and we have seen that time and time again.  

Updates

Dennis has two more rounds of chemotherapy.  Unless something would change with his status, all treatments will be done on February 27^th.  He will have an MRI in early March and then every eight weeks thereafter.  

Prayer Requests

• Dennis has an MRI on January 8 – please pray it shows no regrowth of the tumor.
• Please pray that Dennis’ fatigue is minimal for Christmas.  We plan on spending some time with both of our families and would love for him to enjoy these days and not be overwhelmed with fatigue.
• Pray for complete healing. 

We hope you each have a wonderful Christmas.