Dennis News
Not much to report really.
Dennis has started Physical Therapy to help with some of the weakness he
has on his right side. It affects the
way he walks and impacts things like being able to get up easily. He says the things the PT person has shown
him are helping. What is strange is that
some days are more challenging than others and there is no way to predict what
impacts that.
Dennis is doing OK with this new treatment. It is not fun lugging around the device that
weighs about 12 lbs. if he has two batteries with him and just having it on all
the time can be very discouraging. I’ve
gotten pretty good at changing the arrays/electrodes that are part of Dennis’
current therapy. A friend of ours has
also learned how to do them in case I need to be away. We need to do this about
every three days. The company downloads
data once a month that lets them know how much he is using the device. The goal is a minimum of 18 hours a day. Dennis’s first report was a 92% compliance
rate. This is exceptional. When his doctor’s office got the report, the
nurse actually called Dennis to congratulate him. Most people don’t hit those kinds of numbers
but unless he is in the shower, Dennis keeps it going. You never know when a cell is going to divide
so the more you have it on, the more likely it is to destroy a dividing cell. They have told us that the MRI at the end of the month will not tell us a lot. In fact, the first one after starting this treatment often shows pseudo-progression.
Ellen’s Thoughts
Maybe because it is the first of the year, I find myself
thinking back over the previous year, or maybe it is hearing Brooklyn pray each
night and say, “Thank you Jesus that Daddy is still with us,” but recently, I
have been thinking about where we were two years ago and how very different
life is for us now. My heart just yearns
for life as it was then or at least how it was in those first few months of
family life with Brooklyn before CANCER.
January 2012 - We
were eagerly, and not so patiently, waiting for the final piece of paper from
China that would allow us to travel and go complete Brooklyn’s adoption. We were excited and fearful at the same
time. We knew our life was about to
change in dramatic ways. At the same
time, we were busy with the day-to-days of life – work, church, social events –
just a normal life. Looking back, it was
a good time. It seemed like we would
never get to China but learned and grew during those months waiting for
Brooklyn. I learned a lot about waiting
on God’s timing and trusting Him. Little
did I know that this was part of the preparation God was putting me through in
order to be ready for what was ahead.
March 2012 – She was finally ours! After a year of waiting and doing mounds of
paperwork, she was our daughter. We
loved this time. We have such fond
memories of those early days as a family.
Our time in China went so quickly.
As we look back now at the pictures of those early days, it is fun to
hear Brooklyn tell us about what she was thinking and feeling during those
days. When we got home, our lives were
so different as a family of three than they were as a family of two. Our days were filled with little girl giggles,
exploring parks, learning to communicate with each other, kindergarten… One of my favorite parts of the day was when
Dennis would get home from work and he and Brooklyn would be playing
together. Oh, the joy and giggles from a
little girl who finally had a daddy! It
was a good time.
June 8, 2012 – And then one word – CANCER – changed everything. I hate that word. It has affected us in so many ways. Dennis has not driven since this word entered
our lives. He hasn’t been able to
work. It saps his strength. It puts a huge question mark over every
aspect of our future. Brooklyn doesn’t
have the daddy who can pick her up and carry her to bed on his shoulders. She thanks God that Daddy is still here. She asks questions about what will happen to
her if daddy dies – wondering if she will be sent back to China. I find myself stretched to my limit as I
attempt to be a wife, mother, employee, care coordinator, family driver…
Yes, CANCER changes everything. It is teaching us to cherish each day. I know I say that a lot and frankly, forget
about it in the day-to-day of just getting by, but it is so true. We have today and can either enjoy it or
waste it. I’ll admit that some days I am
too exhausted and too stretched to slow down, be patient, concentrate on what is
happening at the moment and enjoy; to take the time to play a game of hide and
seek, to just talk with Dennis and share time with him, or just relax. Often I need to force myself to let go of all
the stress and responsibilities and try to relax and be the wife and mom I want
to be. To cherish the time I have with
Dennis and the time I have with an eight year old who I know will not be a
“little girl” much longer.
CANCER teaches us that today is not all there is…much more
awaits and this is just the preparation.
Dennis and I have both been reading Heaven
and it has helped me to see more clearly that our lives here are just one small
part of our existence. What awaits us is
far greater. Today prepares us for
eternity. This preparation right now is
hard. If I could turn back the clock and
live in the time before CANCER, I most certainly would but at the same time,
that would mean I would miss out on all that God has done in my heart during
this time. He has taught me so much
about trusting Him in the long-term but also trusting Him when just making it
through the next five minutes seems impossible.
He continues to teach me to wait.
I’m not great at this but I’m learning.
Each new turn in this journey is a waiting game. We wait to hear results of MRIs, we wait to
see if a current treatment is working, we wait to see if symptoms come or go
and mostly we wait to see if Dennis will get a miracle and beat this awful
cancer. I’m learning to let go. I can’t fix this. That has been the hardest for me. I want to do something – anything – to just
make this better. I can’t. It is not in my hands. But I can trust the One who holds this all in
His loving hands.
CANCER also teaches us that our friends are loving, caring,
generous and unselfish people who over and over again give of themselves. We always have been blessed with friends to
spend our lives with but the depth of those friendships have been manifest in
the last 18 months. On so many occasions
they have come along side of us to help when we did not think we could do one
more thing. We are indeed blessed.
Yes, CANCER changes everything and yes, I wish it had never
happened but without it, we would never have seen God work in our hearts and
lives in the way that we have during this season of life.
2014
What 2014 holds in store for us is unknown as it is for
everyone. As I write this, I can’t help
but wonder about what lies ahead but I can honestly say that I know God has
already planned it and will walk with us no matter what it holds. We have seen His provision in the past and
trust Him for the future.
Prayer Requests:
Dennis has an MRI on January 31. Pray for our peace as we head toward this
date. We both find the days leading up
to these too be very stressful.
Pray for Dennis walking and balance issues as well as his
overall stamina.
Pray for me to focus on what is most important and to slow
down, be patient and enjoy our time together as a family.
