We are on the homestretch for the next MRI. In two weeks, Nov. 11, Dennis will have an MRI and then we will most likely hear from the doctor the next day with results. We will actually see the doctor on the 13th. The weeks leading up to an MRI are full of mixed feelings. We want to know what is going on but also dread finding out. We have had the experience of relief when the news is positive and the blow of word that the tumor was back and growing. As always we appreciate your prayers during this time.
I know most of you read this blog to find out how Dennis is doing. If you have not seen Dennis for awhile, you would notice that he moves a bit slower than he used to. This is largely due to his feeling off balance most of the time so he is very careful in how he moves. We are unsure of what is causing this balance issue. It could be medication side effects. There is also the possibility that the tumor is causing the problem. We might have a better idea on which one of these scenarios is the cause after the next MRI. The other issue that challenges him a lot since starting this medication is fatigue. He is really tired most of the time. This is expected as his body is being attacked, not only by the cancer but also by the medications to fight the cancer. He tries to get a lot of rest so he can do the things that he wants to. He has learned that getting overtired on one day will snowball into several days of being extremely fatigued.
As far as how he is emotionally handling all of this, it varies. Sometimes it is very discouraging. Yesterday we were discussing how we both have been going through the “stages of grief” (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) in regards to his cancer. I think we have to some degree or another been in every stage and revisited them several times. There are times we just want this all to stop. We want Dennis to just feel good and to be able to look forward and go on. There are times we look ahead and face the reality that unless there is a miracle in his healing, that our time together is growing short. Overall, we try to focus on today and enjoy it. To look at the blessings in our life and not on the losses and be thankful each precious day we have together. In light of this you might be thinking we have given up hope – I can honestly say that is not the case. Our hope lies in the hands of our Savior who loves us and has this all under control. He will continue to walk this journey with us and meet our needs along the way. We know the outcome we would like, but we trust our Heavenly Father to do what is best for us and to provide for all of our needs along the way.
Thank you all for your love, prayers and support. We need them.
Please pray for:
- MRI on Nov. 11 that it will show no new growth.
- Wisdom in how to handle the side effects of the medication.
- Dennis as he continues to deal with his limitations and the changes that he is living with.
- Brooklyn as we help her to understand what is happening to Dennis and how this fits into God’s love and plan for her life.
- Ellen as she handles many of the details of Dennis’ care on top of the normal ongoing responsibilities at work, as a mom and a wife. (Frankly, there are times I feel like I am at the breaking point on what I can handle.)