Monday, October 15, 2012

Hope? Denial? Peace?

I’ve been struggling with these words lately.  You see, I am doing a lot better with living in the current day rather than letting my imagination run down a path we may never trod.  But as I think about that I wonder, is this hope?  Hope that the medications are doing their job and that Dennis will be one of the rare survivors of this vicious cancer.  Or is it denial?  Denial that this cancer is vicious and that we very likely will face some difficult days ahead of us or that an MRI will come back showing regrowth of the tumor.  Or is it peace?  Peace that only can come from God and believing that He is in full control of the future no matter what may come and that He will meet our needs as they develop.  The more I ponder this, the more I think it is some of all of these.  I do firmly believe there is hope.  Some people do beat this cancer and the trial drug he is on may make his chances better to be one of those survivors.  And I do think there is some denial in it too.  Part of me so desperately wants this to be over, to finish the treatments and not have to look back.  But ultimately, there is peace.  It is a peace that is stronger at times that at other times.  It wanes when my eyes lose their focus on the source of all peace – our heavenly Father.  It does not matter the earthly outcome of this intense storm we are in the midst of, God’s peace is there in that storm as well as when it subsides.  So I choose to live with– hope that healing can come either through a miracle or medicine and peace that God is in control and walking with us. Yes, and even a bit of denial as it helps me live a “normal” life in the midst of this.

This week Dennis will begin the second of the six months of treatment he is scheduled for.  The only difference in his treatment at the beginning of each month is that he will have chemo for five days.   Throughout his treatments he has handled the chemo well and we trust he will this week as well.  He is fighting a cold so he is especially tired.  I’m not at all surprised at that as I had this cold first and was so exhausted from it too.  Please keep praying for all of us.  

Thanks to each of you for the many ways you are supporting us during this time.  We continue to be encouraged by your outpouring of love. 

1 comment:

  1. You are in so manys thoughts and prayers. I love how so freely share your heart. I believe that you are handling this as well as possible probably better! God is overseeing this and as you turn every day over to Him you will experience His love and peace and becuz of your faith you rest in hope! Sharing is a way of healing. Stand firm knowing God is well able to see you all thru even the most difficult moments! ;-)